What a long, strange ballot it's going to be
California. Our most populous state. Its leadership will now be decided by an election in which one candidate will win only if he gets over 50% of the vote, otherwise the winner will be the candidate out of potentially over 300 who gets the most votes. I wonder, now that I think about a ballot that size, how they're going to determine ballot placement. I'd hate to be name #257. People would be asleep in the voting booth by the time they found your name.
People in the running (or not, as the case may be) include both Huffingtons (Arianna and Michael), Larry Flynt (with the slogan "vote for a smut-peddler with heart"), Richard Riordan (still thinking about it), Arnold Schwarzenegger (leaning against it), and Generalissimo Francisco Franco (still dead).
- Art Brown (D), a filmmaker who makes no bones about using the campaign to try to get some publicity (which is why I'm not giving him a link).
- Jeremy Chapman, VP of a cigarette store chain, whose platform centers on repealing cigarette taxes.
- One Dan Feinstein (D), from San Francisco.
- Brian Flemming, filmmaker and producer of Bat Boy: The Musical, whose entire platform is that if he is elected, he will immediately resign in favor of Lt. Gov. Cruz Bustamente.
- Joe Guzzardi, whose entire platform seems to involve immigration reduction.
- Georgy Russell, a 26-year-old computer programmer who's raising the applications fees through a Cafe Press shop.
- Danney Ball, a country singer and self-described "frequent candidate" whose web site seems more oriented toward running against Barbara Boxer in 2004 than toward the recall.
- Doug "Logan Darrow" Clements, TV Show Producer, Ex-Magazine publisher, and founder of the Silicon Valley Objectivists.
- One Bob Dole, not the former Kansas Senator.
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- Darrell Issa, Businessman, Congressman, and prime instigator of this amusement.
- One S. Issa, of whom no more is known at this juncture.
- One Michael Jackson, who has presumably had fewer nose jobs than the first one you thought of.
- Bill Simon Jr., the man Davis defeated in the last election and a man compared to whom Mike Dukakis could fairly be described as "Mr. Excitement."
- One Roger Willoughby, described only as "retiree and frequent candidate."
- Diane Templin, whose web site picture seems unlikely to have been achieved without the use of electrical stimulation. Her web site seems to be about running for attorney general with the American Independent Party.
- Dale Ogden, a Libertarian with the simple solution to the budget crisis of "eliminate the state income tax and cut spending by 50%".
- Ned Roscoe, running as a Libertarian on the same cigarette tax repeal platform as Jeremy Chapman.
- Angelyne, "Entertainer and Billboard Self-Promoter". Her platform, basically, is "pink".
- Mary Carey, a porn actress running as an independent. Her platform includes taxing breast implants to increase revenue and a "Porno for Pistols" program to encourage people to turn in their guns in exchange for X-rated videos.
- Gallagher, whose candidacy might get a serious boost if he promised to take the Sledge-O-Matic to the Legislature. One of his proposed campaign slogans is "I couldn't do worse and I'm only half as crooked." Works for me.
- Travis Kalanick, described as an "Internet Technology Executive". His web site is just a placeholder with a photo, but damn, he's got good hair.
- Jerry Morrisette, described as "Interstate Rest Stop Caretaker and Navy Veteran". Hey, it may sound weird, but after looking at his site and Kalanick's, I'd vote for Jerry. No contest.
- One Bill Murray. Not that Bill Murray.
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- Michael Savage, recently (and deservedly) relieved of his talk show on MSNBC.
- Michael Wozniak, an Oakland police officer whose platform is centered on ferret legalization.
- One Steve Young, not the former 49ers quarterback