I know a lot of democrats think nominating Jesus Christ is a sure thing, but they are dead wrong. Sure, he's got the most supporters and is a fundraising powerhouse, not to mention a miracle worker son of God, but let's look at the facts in post-9/11 America.
Fact: Jesus Christ has NO foreign policy or national
security experience.
He was a great man, and did a lot for the world, but did he
ever have to deal with trade issues? Did he ever visit
Rome? Does he have any military experience? The answer is a
resounding NO. He spent most of his adult life as a
carpenter or wandering around Israel preaching to people.
He never had to hash out trade deals or bust an Al Qaeda
cell. Bush clearly has a tremendous advantage here.
Fact: Jesus Christ is a loose canon. He has temperament
problems, is unscripted, and shoots from the hip.
For example, he went into a temple and went into a tizzy
against the moneychangers. He will be too easily attacked
for his temperament problems. Bush will attack this
repeatedly. I can see it now: "Jesus is all anger and will
blow his top the minute things get tough"
Fact: Jesus Christ is soft on terrorism!
I mean, what's with this "turn the other cheek" stuff? He's
just inviting another devastating blow against innocent
Americans! That will not play well AT ALL in the post-9/11
world. He'll lose all 50 states.
Fact: Jesus Christ has a wimpy message and hung around
shady characters.
Will the South go for someone who preached about loving
your fellow man and hung around prostitutes and tax
collectors? Hell no! The day before the election Bush will
just send out phone messages saying he fathered a black
baby, or something like that. His message won't play well
in the south, and we NEED the south!
Fact: Jesus Christ is too religious for the left.
They will abandon the Democratic Party and vote Green.
There's a whole host of church/state issues that will turn
them off, and too many of his followers have an anti-gay
message.
Fact: Jesus Christ has... ahem... kooky followers.
I mean, the KKK backs him, those Waco nuts, and those fundy
preachers... Pat Robertson! What will the average voter
think? They'll be turned off! Just think, Bush will run an
ad of slow-motion shots of the KKK, with the message: "The
KKK supports Jesus Christ. Do you?" The African American
population won’t back him up. Instant defeat.
Fact: Jesus Christ will raise your taxes.
How will his "render unto Caesar" message resonate with
middle class voters? He will be too easily attacked as a
tax and spend liberal. We cannot win with that
message.
Fact: Jesus Christ has never held elective office!
He will never be able to pass his agenda through Congress.
He would have to just have direct intervention from God,
which I'm sure the Supreme Court will rule
unconstitutional. And what is his agenda, anyway? Just a
lot of rhetoric with no details. These post-9/11 times are
way too tough for a rookie to handle.
Come on, fellow Democrats, Wake up. Jesus Christ is a nightmare for the Democratic Party! This election is too important to put up a candidate like Jesus Christ. He's unelectable. Too liberal in some places, too conservative in others. We will lose in a landslide. This election will all be about national security. And Bush has him dead to rights on national security experience.
Don't drink the Christ Kool-aid.
Furthermore...